Maybe you know it… you need to sleep. It’s 2:00 am and you haven’t fallen asleep yet. You get up at 6:00 am. You really want to sleep because you have an important meeting in the morning or you’re going on vacation, long journey ahead of you. In short, you want to be at least a little rested. And the more you try to sleep, the more you can’t… What do we do about it?
You’ll fall asleep when you give up: When you give up the fight to fall asleep and say to yourself that you don’t care anymore, you usually fall asleep within a moment. Sounds familiar?
Our efforts to fall asleep only delays it: This is because when we try, the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) is activated, the one opposite to the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) which we need to fall asleep. So any effort, however well-intentioned, is a way of not falling asleep. Nice paradox, isn’t it? You can check it out for yourself if you’ve not been lucky enough to have had this experience yet.
Giving up the effort to fall asleep can also be a conscious act: So how to support falling asleep? Well, you say I’m not supposed to do anything! But is there anything I can do? Yes, I can! First, stop trying to fall asleep. Accept that you’re not going to fall asleep. Tell yourself it’s okay. That’s the worst that can happen is that I don’t fall asleep, but at least lying down and resting like this is good too – by this sincere act of acceptance, you minimize sympathetic activation. Second, do things that will stimulate the parasympathetic. For example, mindfulness meditation, or simply noticing how the body touches the bed, noticing the breath. We can also remember “what it feels like when our body relaxes”. When a thought arises, acknowledge it, accept it, and let it go (when you practice mindfulness, this skill is way easier for you to master). If you do it this way, falling asleep will then come in no time. Again, you can check for yourself if you’ve not been lucky enough to have had this experience before.
Relaxation is a state: What does it mean to remember “what it feels like when our body relaxes”? For relaxation is a state that cannot be induced by will, we can help ourselves by memory – somatic memory – of what our body remembers. How is this done? Simple. The next time you feel really relaxed, comfortable and at ease, notice how your body feels – where in your body you feel warmth, relaxation, what it feels like to perceive these sensations and try to remember this state as best you can. Repeat this as often as possible, every time you feel relaxed. Until you have as detailed a picture as possible – how the body feels, how the breath feels, etc. This memory, this image, can then help you to relax when you need it.
#11 / Any form of relaxation or falling asleep cannot be induced by will, ever. If we try to force it, we only delay the process of relaxation. It is much more effective to stop fighting it and to give our attention to what supports our body’s natural relaxation processes – observation by using our senses, mindfulness training, ability to train our mind for dealing with thoughts and inducing a state of relaxation by remembering our own experience of relaxation.